Can it get any more crazy?
by Perfekt Rain
Summary: Bella is dead. Snape is a vampire. And Draco...is Jasper's mom? Please tell me what's going on cause I don't know!
1. Let's get this started!

**Hehehe...I'm updating like crazy because I'm sick...cough! I don't own Harry Potter and Twilight.**

Me: Once upon a time there was a bored sick person with a computer. She got bored so she-

Bella: *YAWN*

Me: Ahem *gives Bella the shut up or I'll kill you look* So she finshed reading Harry Potter 7 and Newmoon and

Bella: You're sooooo boring.

Me: AVADA KEDARVA!!!! *whips out wand*

Bella: *dies*

Millions of Bella haters: YAY!!!

Me: Anyway I got bored and used every cell of childishness in my body to create this fanfic. Enjoy

**Let's get this party started!**

Edward: Hello young boy! I would like to watch you in your sleep! *smiles and pats Harry on the head*

Harry: Cedric?

Edward: No, silly person about to get stocked, it is I ,Edward.

Harry: CEDWARD *eyes grow wide*

Edward: sigh...

Harry: STOCKEROUSPOOFUS!!!! *gets wand out*

Edward: *poof*

Harry: HOORAY!!!

**In the forest...**

Nessie: Hybred?

Hagrid: Human parent?

Nessie: YES!!! *hugs hagrid*

Lupin: Werewolf?

Jacob: Hate being a werewolf?

Lupin: YES!!!

Aro: Vampire?

Voldemort: No.

Aro: *uses awesome vamp powers to destroy Voldemort*

Hagrid: Hoozah for the sparkling gay guy!

**All the way at the Cullen's house, in Jasper's closet.**

Draco: Hello Jasper.

Jasper: ???  
Draco: I am your mother.

Jasper: ???

Draco: Come give your moma a kiss.

Jasper: *runs away*

Draco: Darn. That worked on the last guy.

Emmett: You mean you're not my mommy? *sniffs*

**At hogwarts...**

Ron: Oh no! Snape's becoming a vampire!

Me: What do we do?

Ron: Something stupid of course

Snape: *shakes wildly*

Me:Okay here goes *sings*

_Snape...._

_You're becoming a vamp and now there's no escape..._

_So now Jacob Black will have to crush you like a grape..._

_Don't touch Harry's mom ever again _

_Cause you'll have sparkling vampire friends _

_WITH CAPES!!!!_

Snape: Hey...I'm hungry. *gets up and looks at me*

Me: Uh-Oh.

**Luna's house...**

Luna: rufjrufjrfrufjssa

Esme: jfiuejwiujru4hgurnvfnv

Luna: dufjrjfrvn *points at Carlisle*

Esme: jfiejifjrfij! *laughs*

Luna: rfhurhfrhf! *laughs*

Carlisle:?

Esme: eihruguiev *points at Carlise and laughs*

Carlisle: Akward...

**My house...**

Dumbledore: *taking a shower*

Me: *unaware that there's an old guy in my bathroom*

Me: *pulls back curtain*

Dumbledore: *shrieks like an old lady and covers up*

Me: *screams*

Dumbledore: Hi?

Me: Why are you in my house?

Dumbledore: Hermoine took all the hot water at hogwarts...

Me: Ughhh....never mind.*walks out*

**By the Clearwaters'...**

Seth: Hey Leah! It's one of those rare ugly mutant thingies you taught me about Lee!

Leah: That it is, Seth. That it is.

Seth: Can I poke it?

Ginny: No!

Leah: It SPEAKS!!!

Seth: That's a violation against nature!

Leah: And the laws of all things fanfic!

Leah & Seth: *runs away*

Alice: I told you you should of shaved.

Ginny: Bloody hell.

**Hope you enjoyed! I'll be updating VERY soon since I'm sick!**


	2. Can I braid your hair?

**I DON'T OWN THESE SERIES!!!**

**Somewhere in Denali...**

Tanya: Tra lalalal! I'm seducing young men in the forest!!! LAALLLAAALLLAA!!!!

Snape: ???

**Whoops. Wrong scene. Somewhere in London...**

Hermoine: Hey look! It's a stupid American!

Me: Who are you callin' stupid, punk?

Hermoine: *flips off*

Me: *growls and turns into a white wolf*

Hermoine: ughhh...friends? *smiles nervously*

**Inside of Rosalie's bathroom...**

Harry: *hides in the bathroom*

Rosalie: *dyes hair blond when its really ginger*

Harry: Ahah! *jumps out with a smug look on his face* you're not really blond!

Rosalie: *bears teeth* And now that you now that you now I have to kill you!!!

Harry: *faints*

**At Ron's Place...**

Ron: GIANT WEASLES ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!!!!

Bella: *stares*

Ron: THERE'S A NEW LAW THAT KISSING IS ILEAGAL!!!!

Bella: ?

Ron: AND EDWARD WAS KILLED BY TEDDY!!!

Bella: *dies*

Me: *laughs evily*

Ron: THEY'RE MAKING US ALL WATCH EDUCATIONAL TELIVSION!!!

Me: THE HORROR!!!! THE HIGH-TECH HORROR!!!

Ron: herfjrufirfjgrfjrejfrifijfie!!!!

Me: Wait, have you been nipping at the juice again?!

**Jacob's house...**

Jacob: Finally, some peace and quiet. I've finally escaped that Seth kid.

Seth: *leaps out* Heyyyyyy Jacob! How are youuuuuuu Jacob? I'm great Jaaaaacooob!

Jacob: Why are you taking like that?

Seth: I dunnno Jacoooob! Harry jinxed me Jaaaaacob.

Jacob: *makes mental note to get Carisle to turn Harry in to a vampire so he can kill him*

Seth: But its kindddda fuuuuuun Jaaaacobbbb.

Jacob: Is there a cure?

Seth: Nooooooo Jacob! The oooonly way issss to kiiiiillll me Jacob!

Jacob: *looks at knife on the nightstand RIGHT NEXT TO THE BIBLE*

Seth: Ohhhhhhhh Jacooooob! I think I have toooo go to the bathroom Jacob!!!

Jacob: *looks at knife and Bible* Is this a cruel test?

**The mountains....**

Hagrid: Hey! it's a unicorn

Jasper: That it is.

Hagrid: *turns away from Jasper* I remember the days when I used to ride these babies all the way to-

Jasper: *gobble smack munch munch*

Hagrid: Jasper NOOOOOO!!!!!

Jasper: What? I was hungry.

Tons of unicorn lovers around the world: NOOOO!!!!! JASPER!!!!!

**Up in Nessie's room...**

Nessie: I'm bored. I'm going to braid your hair.

Me: No thanks *walks away*

Nessie: *uses vampire speed to catch up with me*

Me: Nessie, I said no.

Nessie: *bears fangs*

Me: Crap...

**5 and a half pints of blood later...**

Me: *dizzy from losing so much blood* Okay Nessie. You can braid it.

Nessie: Yay!!!

**Can I braid your hair? Jk. review PLZ.**


	3. That's what you get for being stupid!

**Darn...still sick. And I still don't own Twilight. Or Harry Potter for that matter.**

**On the beach...**

Me: Hey look its the only ugly vampire in the world!

Bella: AVADA KEERDRVA!!!

Me: *dies*

Bella: *evil laughter*

Me: *gets back up and brushes self off.*

Bella: *shocked face* HOW DID YOU SURVIVE MY ATTACK?!

Me: 1. I'm effing awesome. 2. you spelled the curse wrong. 3. I didn't want to disappoint my fan club.

Bella:What fan club?

Me: That one *points to about ten people*

Bella: fugde.

**At Ron's....**

Ginny: TEAM EDWARD!!!

Luna: TEAM JACOB!!!!!

Ginny: Jacob is a mutt

Luna: Well at least HE DOESN'T SPARKLE!!!

Ginny: Ron, its time to pick a side.

Ron: *looks at Ginny, then Luna* hmmmm...

Luna: Well?

Ron: TEAM MICHAEL JACKSON!!!! *skips of*

Ginny & Luna: ???

**Hagrid's place...**

Dumbledore: What are you reading? Is it an adult vampire romance novel???

Hagrid: No...even better... It's a bad romance novel! *music starts*

Dumbledore: ?

Hargid: *sings*

_OOOoooooOOOOO_

_CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE!!!_

_OhOhOhOhOhoOooooOOOoOOo_

_Caught in a bad romance!_

Rosalie: *pops out of now where and start singing*

_Rarararahhhahahah_

_Ramamamama_

_Ramamama_

_Gaga oooo lalala_

_Want your bad romance!_

RARARARARAHH

_Ramaramam_

_Gaga OoooLALALA_!

Dumbledore: *shakes head*

Hargird: *sings*

_I want your ugly I want your disease_

_I want your every thing as long as its free_

Rosalie: _LOVE LOVE LOVE I WANT YOUR LOVE!_

Dumbledore: *runs away*

**The inside of Alice's room...**

Jasper: Alice? What's wrong are you having a vision?

Alice: *has life changing vision*

Jasper: What is it?

Alice: I see a bunch of losers singing bad romance....

**Hell....**

James: HEY THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!! WHY AM I DOWN HERE!?!?!

Victoria: Yeah all we did was kill a whole bunch of people!

Laurent: And attempt to kill Bella!

James: sigh...

**In the Cullens...**

Edward: *attempts to "dazzle Luna*

Luna: You look like you got something stuck in your eye.

Edward: Hey! Why didn't it work?

Jacob: Step aside, leech. *attemps to dazzle Luna*

Luna: *dazzled*

Edward: Hey you stole my thing!

Jacob: No, I didn't. Its just that a recent poll says people like me better than you right now.

Edward: RUBBISH! *grabs laptop*

Luna: *still dazzled*

Edward: NOOOOOO!!!!

Jacob: *smirks*

**Later on in the Cullens...**

Me: Hey guys wassup?

Luna:*still dazzled*

Me: ???

Edward: *attempts to dazzle*

Me: ????

Jacob: *laughs* See I told you!

Edward: Oh yeah! I'd like to see that! No one can dazzle the writer of this fanfic!!!

Jacob: *rolls eyes* How much you wanna bet?

Edward: 500$ bucks!

Jacob: Prepare to lose.

Edward: We'll see about that.

Jacob: *attempts to dazzle*

Me: *dazzled*

Edward: *runs to emo corner*

Esme: *just walks in* What happend to Edward, Luna, and Perfekt.

Jacob: *grins* He just got out dazzled.

**Somewhere cold...**

Hermoine: I heard Seth hasn't imprinted yet.

Me: Yeah...and?

Hermoine: I CALL HIM!!! *runs of to Seth's*

Me: *catches up to her* OH HECK NO!

Hermoine: Hahahah! I'm almost there!

Me: *transforms into Nessie*

Hermoine: ??? 

**5 and 1/2 pints of blood later...**

Hermoine: Ughhh....*dizzy*

Me: *turns back into me* That's what you get for being stupid! *continues running*

**Thanks for reading! "Bad romance" Is by Lady Gaga. **


End file.
